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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/30033963">hundred ways to leave (but i'll stay)</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/forsekais/pseuds/forsekais'>forsekais</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>EXO (Band)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Reincarnation, Attempt at Humor, Fix-It of Sorts, Jongin is an idiot, M/M, but he is Sehun's idiot</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-03-23</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-03-23</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-16 00:28:16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>3,000</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/30033963</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/forsekais/pseuds/forsekais</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Jongin has skipped four lifetimes without prior notice. Sehun is definitely not impressed.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Kim Jongin | Kai/Oh Sehun</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>251</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>monthlysekai's Flower Garden</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>hundred ways to leave (but i'll stay)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Bouquet of Narcissus for monthlysekai's Challenge #5 ✿</p><p>Thank you M. for your support. This bouquet is for you :3</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p> </p><p>The story goes that true soulmates are tied together by God and destined to meet each other in every lifetime they live in.</p><p> </p><p>✿</p><p>It takes Jongin ninety days to find Sehun. That’s not bad, considering how they met in their third lifetime: Jongin’s daughter was about to get married to Sehun’s son. That lifetime had been hell; stolen kisses tasted like acid and forbidden touch set their skin on fire. A few months after their kids’ wedding, Sehun and his wife moved to another country, and only Jongin knew why. Jongin passed away before Sehun, his grandkid stayed with him until his last breath. The boy had his paternal grandfather’s eyes, a deep brown Jongin would never forget. Luckily, they met in college in their next lifetime, Sehun dropping all his books and running across the yard to kiss Jongin.</p><p>“Baby,” Sehun’d said, tears running down his cheeks as he painted Jongin’s skin with kisses. “My love. My sunshine.”</p><p>It was a wonderful lifetime. Jongin kinda hopes he could bring that luck to the present moment.</p><p>“You abominable twat truck!” Sehun growls. He’s blond, and he’s wearing a modern suit. This is a refreshing look, since their last lifetime together was in the Heian period. “Get the fuck out of here or I’ll kick you ‘til your vertebrae pop out of your mouth one by one like a pez dispenser.”</p><p>“Baby,” Jongin tries, but it’s a mistake, because Sehun’s fist clenches as he hears the pet name, lips pursed together in a harsh line.</p><p>“Fuck off, your soggy piece of shit.”</p><p>“I can explain–”</p><p>“You can go to hell for all I care!” Sehun spits and throws a shoe at Jongin. It hits him in the face, leaving mud all over his cheeks.</p><p>Jongin’s mother always tells him being patient is one of his good traits. “We can start from there,” Jongin says to a fuming Sehun. “Actually, I’d been residing in hell until ninety days ago–”</p><p>They’ve lived an infinite number of lifetimes. Sometimes it's love at first sight, sometimes he hates Sehun, sometimes Sehun is with someone else.</p><p>This time, Sehun gives Jongin a black eye with his punch and calls security to throw him out of the building.</p><p> </p><p>✿</p><p>Jongin grins as the staff decorates the backdrop with rose petals. “Flowers suit you.”</p><p>Sehun doesn’t spare Jongin a glance. “See the books over there?” Jongin nods. “Read them and tell me where was the part that I asked for your opinion?”</p><p>“But you’re beautiful!” Jongin insists. “So, you’re a model in this lifetime?”</p><p>“Actor, model, global ambassador,” Sehun says breezily. “Also, a Jongin hater.”</p><p>“You don’t hate me,” Jongin pouts. After their violent reunion, Sehun somehow allowed Jongin to stay at his place. Not of his own free will, since Jongin knocked down an entire shelf of imported wine at a nearby supermarket with no money on him, so Sehun had to come and bail him out of jail and the officer on duty was nice enough to suggest that Sehun take Jongin home. He gave Jongin the cold shoulder for a week, but Jongin woke up on the couch with a blanket over him and pancake on the dining table, so there’s hope.</p><p>Sehun still doesn’t talk to Jongin. That leaves him with a Sehun-shaped emptiness, because physical closeness has always been their thing. Even when they began as enemies, Sehun would unconsciously touch him, gripping arm and hands on neck. They’re two sides of the same coin, but now it’s just Jongin and his own half.</p><p>The first time Jongin begged Sehun to just <em>hear me out, please</em>, Sehun gave him a groin kick. His balls were screaming in pain, he had to go underwear-free for two days, but Sehun didn’t bat an eyelash. In their past lives, freeballing would end up with Sehun enthusiastically sucking Jongin off, because Jongin’s balls were that awesome. Jongin spent an hour in the shower examining his balls, head filled with self-doubt until Sehun kicked the door open with a <em>bang!</em> and told Jongin to <em>get out, motherfucker</em>.</p><p>“You don’t want my balls anymore?” Jongin whimpered. He was desperately craving physical intimacy. “Sehunnie?”</p><p>Sehun gritted his teeth. “Don’t.”</p><p>“But Sehunnie–”</p><p>“Don’t call me like that!” Sehun snapped. “<em>Four lives</em>, asshole.” He looked up and Jongin found himself drowning in an ocean of sparkling teardrops. “Four lifetimes I spent searching for you everywhere, Jongin.” His voice cracked. “The moment my memory returned, I started looking for you. Did you know I once dropped out of college and went to the North Pole thinking you’d reincarnated as a bear?”</p><p>“I’m sorry,” Jongin whispered. “I’m so sorry–”</p><p>“It was a hellhole. Fuck bears.”</p><p>“I–”</p><p>“You left me alone for four lifetimes. Three hundred years without knowing what I did wrong.” Sehun squeezed his eyes shut. “You don’t deserve my forgiveness.”</p><p>Sehun didn’t tell Jongin to shut up this time, but Jongin was too busy reveling in guilt to notice.</p><p> </p><p>✿</p><p>The story goes that soulmates aren’t guaranteed a happy ending. They’d been on what Sehun called <em>a streak of bad luck</em>, but indeed it was a couple of miserable lifetimes that fucked them over. Sehun said it’d be okay, meeting Jongin was enough, yet it wasn’t, not when Jongin pierced his sword through Sehun’s heart in their Heian lifetime, watching his beloved’s blood drench his armor. Sehun’s smile behind closed eyelids set Jongin on fire, turning him into stardust.</p><p>When it was his turn to reincarnate, he intentionally stayed behind in the limbo, too scared for another heartbreak. For centuries, he was a temporary soul, floating in a white space with no sign of life.</p><p>It doesn’t cure the heartbreak. Because there’s no Sehun.</p><p> </p><p>✿</p><p>“Why are you still here?”</p><p>“‘Cause I can’t live without you,” Jongin says as he turns off the stove. “I make chicken stir-fry for dinner.”</p><p>“Then perish,” Sehun says. “Don’t <em>welcome home </em>me. Seeing your fuck pastry face makes me feel unwelcomed.”</p><p>Jongin’s mastered the art of persistence. “I love you still. Do you want brown rice or white rice?”</p><p>“I’m not eating with you,” Sehun hisses and heads to his room. Jongin sighs dejectedly, but when he returns from the grocery store later, Sehun is on the couch, a plate of chicken brown rice in his hands.</p><p>“It’s too late to order take-out.”</p><p>Jongin smiles. “I got ice-cream.”</p><p>“No one asks,” Sehun says. He accepts the ice-cream nonetheless.</p><p> </p><p>✿</p><p>Jongin knows he fucks it up badly. It’s a miracle that Sehun keeps him around. He was a coward, yet Sehun doesn’t hate him. No one would believe Jongin if he said that, considering how Sehun literally threw Jongin out of the 5th-floor office the other day for commenting on how delicious Sehun’s ass looked in Dior shorts in front of the crew. Luckily, Sehun’s stylist saved him in time. Despite the snarky words, Sehun cares. It’s in his actions. He refuses to eat with Jongin, but will bring the food to work the next day. He tells Jongin to disappear, but bought him a set of pillow and bear-printed blanket and lied that it was a gift from his stylist (Jongin is Sehun’s stylist’s new bff, by the way). He wishes Jongin an inexplicable death, but will pretend to accidentally pass by the guest room on stormy nights to check on him, knowing how much Jongin hates thunder. So, Jongin just needs to be patient in this long-term plan to win back Sehun’s heart.</p><p>Some days, however, are worse than others.</p><p>“She’s your <em>what</em>?” Jongin screeches, color draining out of his face.</p><p>Sehun looks unperturbed. “My wife from my previous lifetime. We got married in a French castle.”</p><p>“How did you remember her?” Jongin sneaks a glance at the actress. She’s beautiful, juicy red lips and eyes bright like stars. She smiles at Sehun and to Jongin’s horror, Sehun’s cheeks turn pink. Jongin gasps. “You didn’t!”</p><p>“What?” Sehun asks absentmindedly. He looks like he’s just been drugged, and a woman did that. Not Jongin. The audacity. Anxiety coils in Jongin’s gut. He grabs Sehun’s wrist. “You can’t trust her. She may be an...incubus!”</p><p>Sehun’s brows furrow in annoyance. “She’s my co-star now. Stop spilling shit.”</p><p>Jongin swallows back the bile. “You really got married?”</p><p>Sehun scoffs. “I’m not a saint. You left me there and expected me to wait for you for centuries? I had to live my life. She was amazing, FYI. We lived in Milan and had five kids.”</p><p>The thought of Sehun being with someone else hurts more than Jongin thinks something ever could. It pierces Jongin’s chest, a blade from their last lifetime together. He wants to mark his territory right now, but has no right.</p><p>“We’re going to dinner after work,” Sehun continues. “And before you ask, no, you aren’t invited.”</p><p>Jongin ducks his head, devastated. “Okay,” he murmurs and runs away before he chokes on tears.</p><p>He manages to avoid Sehun for the rest of the day, which is easy since Sehun pays him no attention as usual. The schedule is packed with action scenes, so Sehun spends his breaks talking to the stuntman. With the actress tucked to his side.</p><p>“I’ll take your stuff home,” Jongin gathers Sehun’s items into his backpack. “Uhm. Enjoy your d...dinner.”</p><p>He can’t say <em>date</em>, terrified it’ll become real. Sehun only nods, and the drive back home feels like returning to the limbo with darkness and the trembling despair of longing.</p><p> </p><p>✿</p><p>In one of their lifetimes, Sehun was a florist and Jongin ran a quaint book café. Their sheets smelled like a blissful garden, Sehun’s scent sweet and cool like spring. Sehun’d wondered what he smelled like, to which Jongin replied, <em>like every happy thing in the world</em>.</p><p>“Wake up.” A voice brushes against his ear. “Jongin, wake up.”</p><p>It feels like a dream to open his eyes to see Sehun standing in front of him, a tenderness in mesmerizing brown eyes. Jongin blinks. “What time is it?”</p><p>“7 PM.”</p><p>A light bulb goes off in Jongin’s sleepy head. “Why are you here? You’re not going to dinner with...her?”</p><p>Unless they finish dinner in an hour, but Jongin doubts that. Sehun’s a slow eater. “This is my house, I can be here whenever I want.” He huffs, putting down a bag on the dining table. “Go wash your stupid face while I microwave the fried chicken.”</p><p>Jongin’s hands are shaking with hope. He doesn’t realize it until he bumbles forward to grab a fistful of Sehun’s shirt. Before Sehun could jerk away, he buries his face in the back of Sehun’s neck, inhaling. Sehun still smells the same, like gentle tiny sunbeams, bringing color to the darkness, and Jongin’s cheeks are wet, knowing he can’t rest until this scent is completely his.</p><p>“You’re annoying,” Sehun groans, but quietly lets Jongin sob into his neck for a moment before he threatens to take Jongin out like garbage.</p><p> </p><p>✿</p><p>Jongin first held Sehun’s hand during a stargazing night in the mountains. Sehun was pointing at a constellation and Jongin was staring at Sehun. Sehun’s cheeks were red as rose when Jongin interlaced their fingers and told Sehun he was the brightest star in the galaxy.</p><p>This lifetime, it’s Sehun who initiates. Electricity sparks inside Jongin when Sehun’s fingers close around his wrist.</p><p>“What the hell are you doing?”</p><p>“You held my hand,” Jongin sniffles, continuing to tie the twilly around their joined hands. “I want to preserve this moment.”</p><p>“It’s because we needed to cross the street and you were fucking clueless!” Sehun growls. “Take the damn twilly off.”</p><p>Sehun punches him when he says no. Yet when they arrive at the filming location, Jongin loops their arms together and is met with no resistance. Only a scowl that makes Sehun’s immaculate eyebrows more attractive.</p><p> </p><p>✿</p><p>“What were you doing in those me-less lifetimes?” Jongin asks one day. “Besides living that heterosexual life?”</p><p>Things become much better after Jongin learns that the actress is already married to her true soulmate. “Women are amazing in all aspects,” Sehun says. “I don’t remember. I traveled a lot. Spoke many different languages. It was pretty cool.”</p><p>“Was it–” <em>To find me?  </em>“–memorable?”</p><p>Sehun levels him with an indecipherable look. “It was. I learnt to live without regrets.”</p><p>“I regretted leaving you every single second,” Jongin blurts out. “I’m sorry for being a dick. Those years in limbo were worse than hell without you.”</p><p>“I don’t want to talk about this,” is all Sehun says.</p><p> </p><p>✿</p><p>“If your pain threshold is so low, why are you so hell-bent on besmirch your skin?”</p><p>“This is special,” Jongin whimpers as Sehun pushes him into a tattoo parlor. The tattoo artist watches in amusement as Jongin breaks down on the floor and Sehun half-hugs, half-yells at him to get his shit together.</p><p>“I’m too pretty to deal with embarrassment,” Sehun explodes. “Let’s go back.”</p><p>“Noooooo!” Jongin wails. “I have to do it. Just hold my hand, please?”</p><p>“What the fuck are you getting? Family crest?”</p><p>“Your name,” Jongin says. “Not your full name, just the letter <em>S</em> and maybe a rose at the tail.”</p><p>Sehun opens his mouth. Closes it. Pink colors his cheeks and Jongin thinks pink really suits Sehun. “Pink looks nice on you. Will you dye your hair pink next?” He gestures at the needles moving up and down his taut skin. “For me?”</p><p>“I bloody won’t!”</p><p>The next day, Sehun’s stylist almost faints when she sees his bright pink hair. Fans’ reactions are positive, though, so Sehun keeps the hair for a week.</p><p> </p><p>✿</p><p>In retrospect, practicing scripts with Sehun may not be a good idea. But Jongin could never say no to him. Sehun’s wish is Jongin’s command. That never changes.</p><p>“Jinri, look at me,” Sehun’s voice is desperate. Donghyun, his character, is a commoner and Jinri is a princess. This is the farewell scene before Donghyun leaves for war. “My love.”</p><p><em>My love</em> sounds like a hot knife in his solar plexus. “I <em>can’t</em>,” Jongin scrambles for the next lines. “If I open my eyes and you’re not here, I don’t know what to do.”</p><p>Sehun’s fingertips stroke along Jongin’s cheekbones and it hurts because that gentle touch is everything Jongin craves for. “I’ll be back. I made a promise, remember?”</p><p><em>Love you, love you my whole life</em>. “Love you,” Jongin’s voice cracks against his will. It’s what <em>he</em> wants to say to Sehun. “Love you – I’ve never stopped loving you.”</p><p>Sehun’s hand freezes on his cheek. “It’s not in the script.”</p><p>“I know.” Jongin’s throat is dry. “I love you. I always will.”</p><p>Silence engulfs them until Sehun breaks it. “I know,” he echoes. “Let’s call it a night. I have an early schedule tomorrow.”</p><p>All these lifetimes – this is the first where Sehun doesn’t say it back.</p><p> </p><p>✿</p><p>Until he does.</p><p>There’s no angel singing from above, just Sehun, out of breath, yanking Jongin up from where he’s lying under a cherry blossom tree grove. “I thought you left again! Where the fuck have you been?”</p><p>Jongin blinks. “Just running errands. Did I fall asleep?” He yelps at the wetness on Sehun’s eyelashes. “Sehun, what’s wrong? Did someone hurt you? Tell me, I’ll go teach them a lesson–”</p><p>“I didn’t say it back,” Sehun tightens his grip on Jongin’s shoulder. “I know you’ve been trying to fix this mess you created, but I’m really upset. For four lives, I was so lost. I thought you regretted–”</p><p>“I didn’t,” Jongin reaches out to wipe away Sehun’s tears. “I was selfish, but I have no regret about us.”</p><p>“Your disappearance says otherwise,” Sehun laughs shakily. “But I – I couldn’t hate you. I tried. Do you know what Minyoung said on her deathbed?” Jongin shakes his head, clumsy fingers tangled in Sehun’s long hair. “She said she felt relieved. Free from a husband who already had someone else in his heart.” Sehun’s gaze is a heavy weight on Jongin’s nervous skin. “That someone is you.”</p><p>Jongin doesn’t know who breaks first, but they’re tangled on soft grass, Sehun secured in his arms. Sehun releases a sob, or a whine, because he has a needy side only shown to Jongin, into Jongin’s mouth, their lips moving together like two pieces of a puzzle. Their kisses are painfully tender, but overwhelmed with emotions that make it hard to breathe. Centuries and Sehun smells the same, like the first bulb in spring, like everlasting happiness.</p><p>Like home.</p><p>“I’m sorry,” Jongin cups the side of Sehun’s beautiful face. “I won’t leave again. I’ll follow you anywhere you go. You’re the only one that matters.”</p><p>“As if I’ll let you,” Sehun huffs, and then he’s kissing Jongin again, shivering at every tongue swirl, at the way Jongin surges forward to cage him in, making him feel protected and cherished. The thickness of Jongin’s desire and longing seeps into his skin, along with Jongin’s whispers of <em>“You’re mine”</em> and <em>“I love you”</em> down his throat.</p><p>“I got you a present,” Jongin says when they pull apart. He produces a bouquet of narcissus from behind his back. “For you. Just like the very first time we met.”</p><p>Sehun looks at the cheery white bobbing heads, then at a beaming Jongin, whose eyes glisten with relief and unshed tears of joy. Many lifetimes and he’s still the one Sehun needs, gullible, kind and heart full of Sehun. He’s unsure if their very first chapter started with narcissus (he’d always believed it was a yellow rose, for friendzone, because he loved to play hard to get), but he knows what it means.</p><p>
  <em>New beginning.</em>
</p><p>And at this moment, drowned in Jongin’s hot, heady scent, that’s all Sehun wants. Every lifetime with Jongin is a life worth living. Even if it becomes painful, Sehun would still choose it.</p><p>When Jongin cranes his head up to meet Sehun’s lips half-way, he knows the decision would always be mutual.</p><p>“That sounds nice,” Sehun tugs Jongin’s plump lip between his teeth. “Like the first time we met.”</p><p> </p>
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